Posted in:Date Coaching Advice for Guys

So you are hanging out with a girl that you like, and she just told you about a guy who she just met… You have a problem! You are officially in the friend zone! How did you find yourself in this unfortunate position? I know how. You did not man up and resist at all cost, that’s how. This is not an article that I can be very cool calm and collected. I can’t be cool calm and collected because I see great guys get kicked into the friend zone by two types of girls all the time because guys allow it! Lets teach how to get out the friend zone every time.

Types of girls that will FRIEND ZONE you!


The Man Eater

Exit the friend zone with the Man Eater!

The Nice Girl

Nice girls that put you in the friend zone

Man Eater Friend Zone- Women can see a soft sucker coming a mile away. Now it does not always start like this. She might see a glimmer in your eye of prince charming. She could even bring you around her girlfriend’s. Then as you think things are going great, she starts to quote on quote “need” things. Things like lunch, coffee, movie tickets, clothes, jewelry or even ride from the bar after a night of drinks where she may even sleep with. Now most guys may think this is okay and some may even think this is what should be happening in the forefront of the relationship.

Let’s move a bit forward down this trail… After a couple of weeks she is around but not really. She may text you at times and you may have at this point told her that you wanted to see on a serious basis. But she actually remains a bit flighty and never really answers to your requests. Now also during this point, she may disappear for a couple of days then she reappears with a text saying “hey, want to go for drinks or coffee?” You quickly say “yeah sure”! You two talk about everything and you may even start to open up to her again about seeing her on a consistent basis. During the shots and drinks you are still a little puzzled because you never really get a clear answer from her saying what she wants. Soon as the drinks are done the tab arrives, she looks at you with a super sexy smile and batting eyes. Well you know this is pay up time. Then she says to you… “Well I have to go home to get ready to go out later.” (You may be like WTF!?)

Now you are noticing something might be wrong. She always wants you around for only a few reasons. Reasons where you get to pay the way or give her a ride. Now, this is where SOME guys get smart and leave her alone. For most guys, this is where for some reason they GO ALL IN! This vicious cycle of no relationship, no sex, no real intimacy and piles of money being spent goes on for weeks, months and in some cases years.

Now ask yourself are you being eaten? If you can relate to this story my friend you are being devoured!

Nice Girl Friend Zone. This girl is simple. She typically starts off liking you but quickly realizes you might not be Boyfriend material. She thinks you are super nice, loving and an understanding guy. (head tilts down). Now, this young lady starts off with all the right intentions. You two hang out, you might kiss and things may even get sexual quickly. But after a few interactions she sort of distances herself. She may still want to hang out but starts chatting about dealings with other guys. When you go to make a move she plays you to the left by laughing you off and saying, friends don’t do that silly LOL… Then she may even invite you to parties where guys she is actually interested in may be there.

Now, this girl is flaky like the man-eater but loves your company and seeks you for your advice without the relationship perks. All love and no play!

The nice girl will drive you slap crazy because you cannot understand her motives and get her to commit to your wants.

Related: 10 Things Women Want To Hear

How to Get Out the Friend Zone

How to get out of the friend zone

Let’s take a look at what is actually going on:

These women love attention and love guys to make special accommodations for them! Now honestly, they both are smart girls. The man-eater has a guy who is bankrolling the perks of her life where she has to do little to no reciprocation. And the Nice girl is just looking keep you around for a good guys opinion while a guy like me enjoys the non-conversational meaningless sex. (Sigh…)

How you change the game!

Okay, so you have to change the game pretty quickly if she starts to behave like described in our man-eater or nice girl scenario. You need to make a move especially if you are not getting any type of intimacy from her. Also, a girl like this has the propensity to not respond when she gets resistance from a guy because she most likely has you on a rotation with a few other guys. But if you decide to stick it out and turn the tables around, get ready to get to work on how to exit the friend zone!

Get Out the Friend Zone To Do List

1. Make sure you get a clear understanding of your relationship with her! Now sometimes my guys or clients often get themselves in trouble because they totally read wrong into the relationship. If she flat out tells you she does not want to be involved with you this is not a friend zone issue. This is a, she does not like you period problem. If she is friend zoning you, she most likely may never directly say she is not into you.

2. You have to get a backbone! Learn to use the word NO and do not do something if you do not want to. Most women and people will walk over people who don’t stand up for themselves.
3. Control how you act and react to her actions. It is easy to flip out and show her that she is getting to your feelings. Remaining cool, calm and collected is the way a woman wants you to be. If she asks you to take her out and you feel like you are getting into the YOU PAY TRAP, say “It’s on you tonight right?” If she says no, say “, No problem, I will hit you up when I get a chance. Hope you have a good night.” Then get off the phone or stop texting. DONE! (Never say this: “I am tired of paying you don’t even like me. Why do you treat me like this?” SO NOT KOOOL (In Seth Rogan’s voice)
4. Now the texting and calling game… This is fun! I won’t go into the full texting game, but I will show you how to text a girl that has put you in the friend zone.
  • Be sporadic with the frequency in which you initiate and respond to the girl
  • Ignore some of her text messages and phone calls, respond the next day
  • Be short and to the point, no excessive LOL and HAHA’s
  • BE cool and relaxed if she does not respond to you immediately after you text her (Don’t: You there? Babe? I miss you… )
5. Fall off the face of the earth, let her chase you and ask you where have you been? When she asks where you have been, you respond “Just hanging out, I have a lot going on.” You are just saying to her- you are not spending your time waiting for her to make a move. Then it shows her you have more important things going on besides chasing a girl who does not want you.
6. Never tell her you like her when you are trying to maneuver out of the friend zone.
7. If she does something you do not like because you feel she is friend zoning you, punish that behavior. But be cool! And don’t buy into the behavior. She will realize you are not the friend zone type and you might be the bad boy she really craves.
8. Be the Alpha MALE! (Just Google it)
Once she sees the resistant in you to head down the path of the friend zone she will either hop off the train or dig deeper into you because you seem not to care like most guys… Girls love a man they have to chase! Especially when you keep them guessing. Get Out the friend zone with being the man you know you can be!

Related: 12 Things to Never Say to a Woman on a Set or Approach

I am a successful dating coach and entrepreneur located in Orlando, FL. I have helped thousands of people change their dating life through my blogs, classes and my one on one date coaching sessions. My date coaching sessions consist of face-to-face, Skype and phone consultations. If you have any questions about me or about my services please feel free to ask! Remember, I am your Mr. Date Coach.

87 Comments

  1. Okaykk
    February 21, 2015

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    by ignore do you mean reading the text and not replying or just not reading the text at all

    • MrDateCoach
      April 17, 2015

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      Ignore by not responding to the text… For some time. But responding at some point.

  2. Alexander Trance
    September 3, 2015

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    MrDate Coach,

    I have done everything i am not supposed to and now am stuck in the friendzone. She knows I like her and she says she thinks of me as a friend. I know that I need to change my behavior ASAP . Question is :

    Before I start the to do list above, Should I just be direct and ask her out on a Real Date ?

    Thank you

    • MrDateCoach
      January 4, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      I am always the one to shoot from the hip and be direct! But you run into the issue of looking as if you like being clearly rejected. I am refer back to the “why” is she saying that? I suggest asking why is she putting you in the friend zone. Create a safe place for her and say I am not going to be upset, but why am I here? Get a clear answer. And then make your choice from there. Good luck!

  3. zank
    October 4, 2015

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    what if the girl says she only see’s me as a friend and nothing more…

    • MrDateCoach
      January 4, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      If a woman tells you this… The next best step to do is ask why do you feel that way? Get clarity on why she is saying this to you.

  4. matt
    November 15, 2015

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    Seems good but I already told her that I like her. She said she’s” cool with it”. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. Now what?

  5. Ishmael
    December 14, 2015

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    I got a couple of ladies en all I tried do that….it works ..now everything is reverse …Thanks

  6. P
    January 25, 2016

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    Brother,

    I am trying to crawl out a friendzone that is like 2+ years deep…

    Met her initally those years ago with the intention to date, typically like a sap didn’t make that move on her and seal it… (she told me last year if I kissed her I would have had her).

    (In that time, I’ve got a lot more confident and several flings and sexual relations. Honing in on my game skills)

    So years on now, a few months a go I distanced myself, she went through a small fling thing and now she’s in search of something with substance again. Using that distance… and the knowledge that she had a really bad date… I balls’d up and asked her out.

    Went well blah blah, even spoke to her saying about dating, and she basically said yes but lets take it slow… cool I want keep my options open too.

    I am having an issue with making myself a priority though?

    Other than that, I am pretty good at this stuff, she’s that outlier that makes me trip up!

    Let me know if you got any thoughts bro

    • MrDateCoach
      January 29, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      This is a situation where she may have loss sight of the value that you bring to the table. Meaning she knows you will always be there and most likely never MAN UP to take a Bold move to get her to move towards you in any way you want. You have to show her you add more value to her life if you want more in any category. But being a super friend and asking is never really the way to go. Start making a move towards the direction you want to go towards and let her stop you. And swing for the fences. Let her know without saying it you going for what you want and how it makes her life better by having you in as more than just a friend.

  7. Ted
    January 26, 2016

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    Hi Mr. DateCoach,

    I have really strong feelings for a very close friend of mine and she used to feel the same way about me, but I screwed it up about a year ago. Today we are the great friends, but I just feel like there could be so much more than what our relationship is right now, but we always have so much fun together, and so much about each other. How do I convince her or show her that I’d be a great boyfriend for her?

    • MrDateCoach
      January 29, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      Ted,

      Thanks for coming to my site. A lot of new and exciting things to come to help you in this area. So stay tuned.

      But to answer your question. I would first look to see why did things go towards the friend zone? There had to be an act or a lack of action to put you in this situation. Did you fail to take action when she opened the door to more in the beginning? Next I would ask yourself how do you know she has closed the door? (Does she talk about other men or is she dating someone else with your knowledge and is she upfront about it?)

      After asking yourself those questions. Take some action to let her know you are interested. The best way is to tell her verbally. I am a man action and boldness. BE BOLD! If she backs off you back off. Follow her pace but only after you tell her your thoughts or let her see/ feel you pull away a bit. Give her that reason to miss you. Then only re-engage if it is on both your terms not just hers. You have a right to want to date her and ask for what you want. If she does not want a relationship and you do… Walk away and focus on Ted. But don’t waste your time with someone who does not feel the same way about you as you feel about them.

  8. Archie Axten
    February 10, 2016

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    Hi Mr Date Coach.
    So basically there was this girl i had been talking too for a couple off weeks. We had met once before. We then after texting for a few more weeks decided to meet up, got lunch, went to the cinema and coffee etc. We kissed in the cinema and the bus home, proper kisses where we both made an effort. Then a week later she basically friend zoned me. Her reason ” Im struggling to keep my head with family issues and breaking up with my ex off 7months two months ago”.
    We continued to text. Then it all got better, back to the way we were, but then when i tried to meet up she would make excuses. Last weekend, her girl friend came over, and the whole following week was really blunt. Until it came to Friday where she friend zoned me again, saying she “dosen t have time to see me with school commitments, friends and seeing her Dad, but still wants to be friends” she also stated her previous relationship off 7months was very controlling and she wants time to be herself?
    Now she is being pretty blunt to me again tbh.

    What my question is, how can she go from liking me so much to doing what she s done? And any advice on what i should do to try and get her back?

    • MrDateCoach
      January 2, 2018

      Leave a Reply

      When people go through something that is traumatic for them, they have there own ways of dealing with it. And, one of those ways is to withdraw from the world. She might just be at a point where she needs to withdraw from you and focus on fixing/ healing herself.
      Also, if she was in a controlling relationship, the last thing she wants is someone who she has clearing said we are friends to push the issue of a relationship.

      Lastly, if a woman gives you all of this physical attention you described, she can like you and you can get out the friend zone. But you have to be cool and be supportive until she is ready. Then you have to be okay with that; sit and be patient.

  9. Slavisa
    February 13, 2016

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    Hello.

    In advance, forgive me for my spelling, because English is not my mothers language.

    To the point. I like this girl allot, and I have a feeling she likes me back, but I’m not sure. We text alot, she responds right away. But, at some point in the past I told her about my feelings, and she said something like ” I whanna focus on school, for now. And I’m not going to go out with anybody.” Recently I had an injury, and she worried allot. You may think it’s human decency but it was she was my wife or something. So I have mixed feelings about this girl. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      I would let things play out. If she really wants to help by just being a friend, then you have to understand that. But, if she wants more then pursue it.

  10. Stephen
    March 8, 2016

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    I been friends with this girl for roughly 12 years .I don’t live with her.She had 2 kids from 2 different men in that 12 years.I practically father her kids.I let her into my bank accounts ,and I sacrificed my time ,family, friends, ideas,school,to assist her in her financial problems,and to help raise her children. The kids I love as my own .And I raised the question of more then friendship to her.And she only sees me as a good friend.Now she wants to see other guys .I really love those kids ,and I’m very upset at myself for letting this women walk over me like a mat .12 years of trying to make her see Im good for her ,appears or is a complete lost .I foolishly still love her.But I don’t know what to do now ,can you provide some advice, thank you .

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Steven. Hearing this makes very concerned. I have never been in this type of relationship. It sounds like you are going to have to make a decision to be okay with the friendship and stay in the kids’ life. Or, leave her and the kids.

      I know an emotional tie too kids are tough to break! But, you have to protect yourself, your feelings and your pockets. She sounds like she is eating you alive in all those ways. She has all the ups and you get all the downs. (I am assuming you get the downs since you are not the man she wants to be with.)

      She is taking advantage of your good spirit and your good heart.

      If I were you I would leave her and her kids. Trust she will miss you if you have been her backbone for 12 years.

      But, the kids are not yours and not your responsibility. Move on my friend. Move on.

  11. Matt
    March 18, 2016

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    Me and this girl I like have been texting for a week she was all ‘x for mate or date’ so obviously I texted her ‘X’ wondering if she was into me or not, she replied saying ‘idk’ following that she said you’re sweet but ur a good mate too. This left me skeptical I considered this the friendzone. We talk a lot I don’t usually ignore her text and we have quite funny chats I often flirt with her please help me

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Sounds like you have found that answer to the same question you have asked me. She does not want what you want.

  12. Tori
    March 25, 2016

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    How about advice for a girl? I was friends with a guy for several years (not close but in the same social circle). He doesn’t live nearby. Recently we ended up going on a trip together and things got intimate. I would have thought that it was just a vacation fling but afterwards he kept calling (like 6 hr phone calls) and texting and flirting for a couple weeks. I ended up going on a trip to visit for a week and he kept encouraging it but he wasnt as enthusiastic after I got there. Now its 2 weeks after i got back and he continues texting and calling but the intimacy is gone. Any way to get it back?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Hi Tori, I can help you. Even if you are a young lady. Us men, we are weird and typical. Usually, if we want a woman, we continue what makes us feel good about that woman. But if we fall off. It’s typically a reason.

      So, I would ask him why the sudden fail off? Please understand he most likely will try to protect your feelings if he is over and done with the fling. So you have to give him cover, and let him know you won’t get mad at what he tells you. (You can’t get mad! You can have feelings, but don’t push him away with those feelings.)

      Whatever he tells you must make some logical sense, but if he wants to move on you have to let him go. But if it is an issue that can be worked on, then work on it!

      But, protect your feelings and make sure it is 50/50.

      Good luck.

  13. kb
    March 26, 2016

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    Hi Mr. DateCoach,

    i met this girl through my friend and now am in love with her. i told her my feelings but she said she is not looking for a relationship at the moment and that we would be better of as friends because the relationship will get complicated. i dont know the reason she said that.
    can you give me hits on how to save my self. plss

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      This is simple, MOVE ON. Go out, work on you and find a girl who digs you.

      When you come off “thirsty” or in love, your feelings are untempered and women get super turned off by a man who can not control his feelings. Especially if she was not interested to start. You just put yourself in a further position behind.

  14. kb
    March 26, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hi Mr. DateCoach,

    i met this girl through my friend and fell in love the first day my friend introduced her to me. my friend initially wanted to get down with the girl but it was impossible because she found out my fiend as a girl. i later at a rave and we exchange numbers. i call her and she calls me.

    i finally let the words out and she told me she was surprised and she is not looking for a relationship and that we will be better at friends because she likes our friendship and that it will be complicated. i need help. i want this girl

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      The best way to start is by not wanting her so much!

      You, my friend, are being super “thirsty”! Meaning you just want her based on no real rationale. You have to understand what feelings you are going through when you meet a woman. And with those feelings, you have to temper them to make moves towards her that are rational. Especially if she has clearly rejected you.

      Don’t play yourself by being super thirsty.

  15. Nathan
    April 2, 2016

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    I’ve been friendzone for 4 years, I ending things when I told her the way I felt about her and she said she didn’t see in that way. So I erased her number and left to another state hoping to have a fresh start. I did for a bit then I contacted her out of weakness and started the friendship again.

    Once I felt confident and in control I asked her again about my feeling towards her but long distance she still said she didn’t have those feelings
    for me. Of coarse I ending things.

    So now 8 months later she leaves voicemail messages about just missing me and wanting to talk to me. I clearly see I have to be an idiot to even consider going back to want things were. My question is, if she contacts me further down the line, how should i respond. I clearly will always love her but I just don’t know justify just saying no and leaving.

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Yeah, Nathan, you are not an idiot. You just don’t understand how to handle this situation. She has you on a string you have to cut!

      She is clearly only concerned about her feelings and own wants. So don’t let that get you down. You HAVE to focus on you and building relationships that both you and she have mutual respect for one another.

  16. Jason
    April 4, 2016

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    I have a coworker who I have been hooking up with. She has since stopped hanging out, but she texts me all the time. I don’t initiate at all because she has back off hanging out. She was seeing me when she had a boyfriend of 5 years. They since broke up after he found out about me.

    I am thinking about giving her the cold shoulder for a while and not responding to her texts or calls, because she flaked on me a few times. Any advice?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Yeah, the cold shoulder is perfect for this. But, since you two have a sexual past, let her know you are not with the flaking and games. And, if she wants to continue disregarding your feelings leave her alone. Remember you have a right to not have your feelings hurt. Good luck!

  17. James
    April 15, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    What’s going on Mr. Date Coach,

    I’m currently in the friend zone right and it’s been last in for over 7 years. Until recently, I have grown strong feelings for her. One major problem is that I’m in the Navy and station far away from her. So basically our relationship has just been over the phone and some occasional visits. We try to see each other at least four times a year.

    I always seem to notice that she has feelings for me but she will never confess. Every time we go out she would always be jealous that I was taking to other females and it would piss her off so much. I’m not a very open person or sentimental because of past relationships but she wants me to be that way. I came across this article one day and I have been trying to use your techniques but I feel like she is making it so hard for me. Always calling me and blowing up my phone. It’s so hard to not answer but I’m starting to get pretty good at it. She would ask me for favors and I try to to come off as a dick and say not but it is so difficult.

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      James,

      First, thanks for your service and protecting me and my family. Second, you have to be YOU. If you don’t want to change who you are, then don’t. She sounds super insecure. But, you have to ask yourself; are you doing anything to make her feel insecure? If you truly believe you are not, then you have to let her go or get her to act differently towards you. Unfortunately, your relationship will never flourish and grow with the weed of jealousy and insecurity from either of you. But you have to balls up and not let her control you or make you feel like you are not in control. Good luck.

  18. Jordan
    April 15, 2016

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    So me and this girl have been working together about a month or 2 now the first month we just talked like friends. My other coworkers started talking to us and eventually told us the we like each other so I asked and got her number. We texted for about 4 days and it was great lots of laughs and a little flirting. Then the 5th day I didn’t really hear from her. So on Saturday I went into work and my coworker told me that the girl I likes says that she really likes me but wants to wait a month until she graduates and finds herself. She also says she doesn’t want to push me away and also is afraid to get close to me cause she’s scared I’ll just leave her (which I would never do cause that’s happened to me). We hardly text anymore and we are just friends now. I want to ask her to hang out but I don’t know what to ask her. Like what do friendzoned friends do when they hangout? I need so advise for what to do next. Can you help??

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Jordan, I am not sure what friends in friend zones do. I typically don’t engage in those types of relationships because my feelings are obviously not taken into consideration.

  19. Drew
    April 19, 2016

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    So I became rather close with this one girl at college. We were moving very fast towards a relationship. Anyhow I was overprotective towards her over a guy whom she would never give a chance. Anyway I got the “we’re moving to fast, lets slow down and start of as friends” talk. Once I asked why she was switched gears she said, the way I was acting towards the other guy made her feel like she was a “Prize”, and she didn’t deserve to be treated like one. (The way I went about showing this guy she was with me was through things like snapchat.) I understand her point of view, she emphasized more than usual that we should still be friends, and that she would still get coffee or study with me as “friends.” I understand my fault on this situation.

    My only question is, am I all out of hope? Or is it okay to maybe take things slow and try to show her who I am through a friendship? I went a week without talking to her and then I started conversation on occasion. I received mixed singles of responses and actions. But she was never one to text/communicate over the phone, she seemed to enjoy contact primarily through personal interactions. Like I am fine if we are just friends, but she seemed to show interest in keeping me in her life, just not in the manner I was before. Is all hope lost on my end for the way we were before I was a too much?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 29, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      I would fall off. It sounds like she does not want what you want. For whatever her reasons are, I would let her go! Because the whole “she is a prize” thing does not make any sense. Who cares what another man thinks unless she is interested in him and concerned about his feelings.

  20. Tomas
    May 14, 2016

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    Mr. Date coach,

    I have a question. So I was going great with this girl, we danced and she went out of her way to double check she gave me the right number afterwards. I made her a dessert for her birthday and sang to her and she loved it. We went On a date to the movies just us two and I put my arm around Her. Her parents are like oh come on over and hang out at our house. I’m thinking cool ok. We hang out and after getting home and text her thanks for the great night.The weekend passes. On Monday morning I’m text her good morning sunshine and then wham. She says I really appreciate how nice you’ve been to me and you’re a great friend but we don’t really click as a couple. I’m really surprised. We were doing great. And she friendzones me. What do I do?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      MOVE ON. This seems like something you want to continue. Being clearly rejected in the relationships world, it’s hard to get past that. No matter what you do.

  21. KM
    May 21, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hi Mr. Date Coach

    I’ve been friends with girls for awhile but over the past year or 2 we’ve gotten closer. I really like this girl and I want her to like me back. We’d always tease and joke around saying “when are you gonna give me a chance?” And things like that but they were always playful jokes. Then all of a sudden I noticed she started texting me differently almost as in a flirty way by calling me “boo” and even giving me a nickname. She even face timed me often too and replied rather fast to my texts. So I thought maybe she’s into me, so I invited her to my house. She said yes and came over, we were just hanging out in my living room. I would move to different sides of the couch because I noticed she followed me if I went there. She followed me and had sat right next to me, and we looked at each other and she leaned in and started kissing me. She made the first move so after that I thought boy she must really be into me. After dropping her off back home that night she text me thanking me for a good night and my follow up text was “I gotta ask you Somthing” I had asked her if we talked or not and after that text everything went down hill. She said that’s what she wanted to avoid and I’m a great guy and everything but that’s not what she wants now. She tells her friends she doesn’t like me that way and that I wanted the kiss and that’s why she kissed me and she even tells them I’m not her type. She’s into different kinds of boys. I was just wondering is there anything I can do to get out of this or am i wasting my time even thinking I can?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Wow, if she did that, I would completely drop her and move on. She sounds a bit flawed and obviously has no feelings to how you would react once the stories got back to you.

  22. Trep
    May 26, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    I have let my on again/off again FWB friend zone me over the last couple of months.

    I’ve know her for 3 years. We genuinely care for each other but my mistake was giving too much friendship when I wasn’t receiving any tail in return, probably because I was blinded by developing girly “feelings” over the last little while.

    After receiving a LJBF text that made it clear that the benefits were off the table (something I knew because there hadn’t been any for quite some time), I “broke up” with her yesterday, in short telling her that even though I cared about her I did not intend to be just friends.

    Having known her for a long time, I did it in a warm, funny, cocky way that I’m quite happy about; In fact, I had her laughing and crying at the same time and the whole time I was not a wuss. If that’s the last time I see her I can look back at it without regret because I stood up for what i wanted while being kind at the same time.

    Two questions:

    1. Just before she rose to say good bye she leaned over for a kiss. We were in a place where PDA is frowned upon and so we usually just kiss cheeks when we are. I detected that she wanted me to kiss her on the lips. But I just went for the cheek, quite frankly intentionally rejecting her, partly because I thought it would spoil the whole frame if I went for the lips at a breakup meeting and she rejected me. Mistake?

    2. So is that it coach? Forget about her unless she comes back to me? No more texts, etc., except in response to her, and then only to confirm that she’s coming back on the old FWB terms (in a cocky funny way)?

    Note: This was not a sad sack relationship where we’ve been friends and I have adored her secretly and never done anything to escalate. It is actually the opposite: one that started as just sex and became FWB. I’ve done her on many occasions, in many ways, and in many places over the years. Hence, for me, the kiss she offered – if she was offering it – was like being offered a hamburger after having had filet mignon over the years and not worth a misread and a risk of a rejection by her and throwing off what to that point was a well executed walk away.

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      1. You did what you felt was right. I can never say no to that. 2. The great thing about a relationship that is just FWB, it can always morph into more. It seems to be very volatile change though. But in a situation where you find yourself wanting more and you are getting rejected, I would pull away. Create a void she wants to fill. But, if it is a quasi equal break up, I would just play the field and move on. But either way don’t force it.

  23. Chase
    May 28, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Okay if I ignore her texts sometimes and then she stops texting me for good what will I do then

  24. Barney
    June 4, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hey, mrdatecoach

    So I’ve been pals with this girl for a couple of months and now i think I’m starting to like her, we never see each other because of school but talk through snapchat all time everyday but sometimes there’s no convos and just blank snaps of our faces, I just don’t know what to do?, how can I get her to think of me in different way without flirting to hard (eg I wish I was with you and thinking of you stuff) cause she’s not that type to be like that

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Flirt, its okay. Sometimes it’s the best way to be completely straightforward. Don’t be afraid to express yourself that might make someone else feel uncomfortable. It’s your feelings and what you want to do. So go for it.

  25. Manish
    June 8, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    My long distance girlfriend broken up with me and after some months i went to meet her in person. I found that she is dating somebody else. But she did not say anything about to me. She said she like me but not love me and want me as her friend. I said ok and came back to my country. Now she write me like “how i am and something what she is doing”. But all just after one or two weeks. I am not responding. Please tell me what to do

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Sounds like you made the right move of not responding. Protect yourself first, especially if she broke up with you.

  26. Jeff
    June 19, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hey Coach,

    I’ve been talking to a girl I met at the local corner store. I’d see her 3-4 times a week when she was at work. I know she just broke it off with her ex and we’ve been spending lots of time together.. So for the past 2 weeks we’d meet for lunch or meet after she was done working to go out to eat or just kill time. I grew a pair of balls and decided to make a move and she wasn’t having it. She let me know the following day via text she was “cool” with the friendship but didn’t want more than that… Mind BLOWN. I feel like i’m doing “boyfriend” things for her/with her but with no sex or intimacy. Not that I care about sex at this point, I just really like her and want it to go to the next level. Not really sure what to do now. To complicate things even more, I’m 32 she’s 21 and pregnant…

    • MrDateCoach
      July 16, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Jeff,

      Thanks for reaching out. Well… It sounds like you are way over invested in this situation to start. This young lady seems to have quite a bit of things that are preventing her from being emotionally and sexually open to you. She is preggo, meaning that she is currently overwhelmed with emotions and soon to be a bundle of joy. The best course of action is to let that situation go and watch it play out. Be patient and move on Jeff.

  27. Aidan
    June 26, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hey so I got into the talking stage with a girl but she said we shouldn’t continue being in that stage and said she dosent have the feelings for me I have for her. she wants to hang out as friends tho. We barley text now and I stopped with the sweet comments so I don’t upser her. We used to text daily and say sweet stuff alot. I really don’t know what to do and still like her.

  28. zack
    June 30, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Mr date coach, I read and this is a great article I follow a lot of this myself…. But what cards should I play if a lady puts me in the friend zone but said its just for now…. Like wtf is that suppose to mean lol for now? Come on I’ve never had this happen and if you could shed some light that would be pretty cool man thanks.

  29. Smith
    July 27, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    I’ve been seeing a girl for a couple of weeks now. Things got intimate after the 3rd date and then around the 5th she told me she wasn’t looking for a relationship and being respectful i said that’s fine. Later, which maybe was a bad idea, i texted her to clarify what kind of friends she wanted to be as in kissing and what not friends or just normal friends. She told me just normal friends for now and “that might change at some point, but she doesn’t know”. To give you an idea of what kind of girl she is, she is more introverted, but we hit it off and are always able to keep an awesome conversation going and have a ton in common. Any ideas on how to go about this? I definitely like her. We’ve hung out a few times since and i have not gone in to kiss her or anything intimate since she said she wanted to be friends. Is this a situation where she may have thought things were going to fast and she is definitely interested still, and i just need to make a move, but not to fast? Thanks!

  30. Steve
    July 29, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hey Mr. Date Coach,
    I recently went out on 4-5 dates with a family friend. We kissed twice but then I felt her pulling away. She eventually gave me the friend zone speech. I guess my situation is a little different because we actually dated and kissed a bit before she decided to friend zone me. She lives an hour away from me too, so that takes away the casual option of “randomly being in the area and bumping into each other.” Any tips on where to go from here? Right now I’m planning to NOT text, email or call her at all until she initiates next… whenever that may be. And I’ll try to date other girls in the meantime. Who knows, I may find a better match. Thanks in advance for your advice on my situation.

  31. Richard
    August 2, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    I need some advice here. So I finally messaged a girl I thought about talking to here and there, but never did because she was in a relationship for a while. After a while, noticing that she was single, I messaged her and we hit it off. At first she really wanted to get to know me, like as if she liked me. Since we live close to each other, we started doing walks early in the morning. The first morning we walked, I brought her back to my place and an hour or two later we were kissing and it turned into sex. The same thing happened the next morning. Then out of nowhere her ex texts her and she started to want him I guess. I told her I feel but then she threw the brother and best friend card at me. This girl is just amazing and the day after she told me all this, we went on a walk and once I saw her the friend thing just didn’t sit with me. We went back to my place and we had sex.. again. Them during this she says “this is turning into a friend’s with benefits”. I dont understand the situation im in. Even though she did say she didn’t know about a relationship at first, I thought she showed interest in me which confused. I hope to here from you for advice. I feel like there’s spark there but now I don’t know.

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      She is a Man-eater. She is getting what she wants and neglecting your feelings! You have to ask yourself if you are okay with just being friends with benefits. If you want more then you have to cut it off altogether because she clearly does not want more than that. Put your feelings first in this situation, it will work out better for you.

  32. Jake Lake
    August 6, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hi Mr.Datecoach

    I have met this girl a couple of weeks ago and have started falling for her. She calls me cute time and time again and every time I flirt with her or compliment her she just seems to brush it off and not compliment me back.

  33. Travis
    August 13, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Mr. Coach, I could use some help.

    I have strong feelings for a friend. Her and I used to work together and became friends because of the shared hatred of the job and management. We both quit, got better jobs and started becoming closer and hanging out all the time. I started developing strong feelings for her over two-three months. She’s amazingly beautiful, funny, smart independent and driven, she’s taller than me but most people are. She appreciates me for me, is relaxed when we hangout and we always have a blast. I decided I had to tell her how I felt. My worst fears happened. I asked if I was friend zoned and she said yes. I asked if there’d ever be a chance in the future and she said she honestly can’t see it happening. Am I in the wrong to ask her why? She told me it has nothing to do with looks or not being a nice guy.

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Travis, I think its fair to ask whatever you want her. But, understand she has a right not to tell you. Although, I say go for it. You sound like you have nothing to lose at this point. Good luck!

  34. cant
    September 25, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    We are just friends.. She will alws respond back to me that she likes me.. We have kissed just once them she stopped.. Buh she will alws say she need friendship, what does this mean?.. Cos she exhibit actions that she likes me

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      She is just trying to be nice based on what I believe you are saying. Or, she is doubtful that she wants you. Give her an ultimatum. Either, we date or let’s not be friends at all if you desire more.

  35. Danijel
    October 22, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hi, I’ve been talking to this girl and she just friend-zoned me, when I was planning to take her on a date to the movies. My friend introduced me to her but we have never met face to face. Instead of her considering it as a date anymore she says its a “Hang out”. Should I still go meet her and take her to the movies? If so should I pay?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Take her out… But, call it dutch if it is a mutual meet up. But, if you invited her it is generally expected for you to pay. Also, if you feel as if you are not going to win her over, just cancel the date. But, if you feel as if you can win her over, then go for it.

  36. Danny
    October 27, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    What if she says she wants to hang out as friends and she wasn’t looking for anything serious (yet she led me on for about a month) and also has a lot going on in her life?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Let her go. She sounds like she is either confused on what she wants, or she is a Man-eater.

  37. Dugan
    November 3, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    I have been in the friend zone for yrs. She knows that I like her but she sees me like a brother. And she has 3 kids. And now she is getting into a relationship with a guy that I’m unsure about. What to do?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Leave her alone… That is straight to the point. But, if she does not want to be with you and she sounds like she has a lot of baggage, she is the one losing. Don’t get sucked into this idea of a thinking she wants you when she has clearly made choices to not include you in her life in a romantic way. It will never end well for you.

  38. Dave
    November 4, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hi MrDateCoach,

    I confessed to this girl close friend that i have been talking to for 3 months now. Her response was that she is not ready for a relationship right now, and that she does not have feelings for me or anyone at all at the moment as she is enjoying being single. However, she later said that she would not fully rule out dating me in the future if she does develop feelings for me and also said that among all the guys she met so far she would date me first. So how would you suggest i go about this situation?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Go live life. Find a girl who is interested in you. Never pressure a chick who is “not interested at the moment”. You will just be wasting your time and she may never turn that bend of being ready to date “you”.

  39. james
    December 18, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Theres this girl I met a while back. We never really hung out but she would occassionally hint that she wants to grab food or hang out. We finally did hang out a couple times and when i asked her for a date she said she has a crush and only saw me as a friend. She said she dosnt want me to be mad at her.

    We still hang out occassionally but recently she told me she dosnt want to hang out because I keep buying her stuff. So in this case what should I do?

    Her crush is actually leaving the country.

    The thing is me and her occassionally do side projects together so if I still like her and she hasn’t talked to me in a while should I just play it cool? and in the mean time dont keep texting her or liking her posts on social media

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Fall BACK! This is where women give you a clear, I don’t like you more than “him” (whoever the other is.) Understand, she has made a choice. So fall back and understand you don’t have an opening to get more from her. And, stop spending your cash on her, she does not respect that.

  40. Adrian Dant
    January 11, 2017

    Leave a Reply

    I met this girl at school and starting messaging her about our common interests like music and other things. We messaged a good month and a half almost everyday. I began flirting with her initially and she would respond to my flirts with flirts of her own. Would compliment my height, tell me I look like the type to work out, call me “Papi” (via text message), and would even ask me to go to a club and dance together to soca and dancehall (she is Caribbean by the way).

    Initially I knew she had a boyfriend but after messaging all of this time, I picked her up one time and asked her if she is still with him and she said she is, even after he had cheated on her two years ago. I told her I was confused why she is still with him and why she is asking me to go out to a club if it might cause issues with her boyfriend and she questioned me asking why I care. I told her I don’t want to cause a problem. She said most guys don’t care and that if we go to the club she will not tell her boyfriend. After I dropped her home she messaged me and said if I feel uncomfortable going out that we don’t have to. I said it is all good, I just wanted to know her intentions. I told her I find her attractive and she said the same to me but that for obvious reasons she said we cannot be anything more.

    She told me her intentions are not to cheat on her boyfriend with me but that she wanted to go out and have “clean fun”. When I asked what “clean fun” is she told me I am reading too much into it.

    Now she still messages me but when I would throw out a few flirts she would often reply with “no comment” or “i’ll leave that one alone”.

    Any thoughts?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Yeah… 1. I would ask myself… Self, do I enjoy this relationship? If my Self-says “NO”. Then I would just cut things off. Do yourself the favor. 2. If you don’t mind being her friend and getting nothing from it except “Clean Fun”, then stop hating on her Boyfriend for cheating. It is super unattractive to hate on another man, especially if she likes him. She obviously enjoys being treated any kind of way. And, she sounds like she might not be the girl for you. She is definitely a man-eater, so watch yourself. She gets all the perks and you get nothing.

  41. John
    April 12, 2017

    Leave a Reply

    Like all these other sad sacks, I am stuck in a friend zone. We had a drunken night out where we danced. She got very handsy and grabbed my junk, kissed me, bit me, etc. Unfortunately she didn’t remember any of this the following day. She was in a black out. I actually thought it meant something so I asked her if she wanted to date. She said no, we cannot be anything more than friends. Very flat out. Were more like “buds” she says and she’s looking for “that crazy, unexplainable feeling for someone”. Ugh… Ouch. My question is, what’s a good route to get her to feel that crazy feeling for me??? So far, I’ve been improving myself until next time I see her. I see her beginning of may and we also have a trip planned in June where I’ll have three days with her.

  42. Conner
    October 11, 2017

    Leave a Reply

    I’m in the same situation, I’ve liked this girl for 2 years she know’s I like her but i’m still in the friend zone she considers me her “BF” and trust’s me but I don’t know what I should do ?

    • MrDateCoach
      December 28, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Sounds like you need to make a bold move and try something different. I have found that even after years of being in the friend zone you can turn things around! But you have to be willing to stay the course of going after what you want as well.

  43. Erin
    December 31, 2017

    Leave a Reply

    I have know this girl for a couple of months now we went out a couple of times too not a date just casual doing everyday things . When I realised I started developing feelings for her I told her directly and she replied saying she wasn’t sure and she looks at me only as a friend and that she isn’t keeping me in the friend zone (yes she said it herself ) so I let it pass . BDW we text everyday , I have also asked her out 3 times but she always said she was busy and I always asked her out in the wrong time . Until recently when I asked her if she likes someone else and she said yes and when I asked what about me she said that we’re best friends now I don’t know where I went wrong . I have cut off communication with her its been 2 days now

    • MrDateCoach
      January 2, 2018

      Leave a Reply

      Erin, Sounds like she put you so far in the friend zone. You have to understand she made it super clear with her words and her actions by letting you know she was not interested in anything more than friendship. I praise you for stepping up and letting her know how you really felt. Most men and women never express themselves. But, at that time was when you needed to let her know your position, intentions and what type of relationship you were willing to have with her.

      You told her what you wanted, but you let her get away with being friends when you agreed with still going out as only friends.

      I think it is best you cut her off communication wise. That is a good move if you want more and she does not. Protect yourself and your feelings first.

  44. J.
    January 7, 2018

    Leave a Reply

    Hello Mr. DateCoach,

    Just today I have really realized that I’ve been friend zoned. Upon researching how to get out of it, I found out that I should text a lot less, and stop trying to be the nice guy. However, if I suddenly start doing that, wouldn’t she feel suspicious of my behavior that suddenly changed? I have decided to try to break my barrier of being the nice guy, being an introvert and being friend zoned.

  45. Michael
    January 9, 2018

    Leave a Reply

    About 4-5 months ago this girl added me on snapchat. We started talking to each other and had very interesting discussions everyday. She seemed like a very nice girl and back then I had no intention of being something more than good friends with her, so I friendzoned her… And I regret it so much.

    Ever since then I realized that it took her a long time to reply to my snaps, I was always the one who started a conversation. She used to be the one who texted me first, but ever since then, it was always I who texted her first.

    A few days ago I teased her about “going on a date with her” and she replied “I would never go on a date with you, throw yourself”. I thought she was joking and took her reply lightly. I then said as a joke “Hahaha now I’m gonna act like that didn’t hurt” She said “Hahhaah I hope it hurt you”

    After that, I felt fed up with her little games so I decided to tell her “If you don’t want me to flirt with you, you can say that you don’t want anything more than friendship”
    This is where my heart broke into many pieces.. Her reply was “No I don’t want you to flirt with me. I only like you as a friend and I think it’s best if it stays that way”…. With a broken heart I told her ok and that I accept her decision.

    I really need your help Mr. Datecoach. In my eyes she is the “perfect” girl and that’s why it feels impossible to let her go..

    What should I do?? I am in a desperate need of help

    • MrDateCoach
      January 23, 2018

      Leave a Reply

      Michael, first I would ask yourself, did you really put her in the friend zone? From her reactions, she sounds like she has always seen you as a friend. Especially if nothing happened before the “friend zone” happened.

      My answers are pretty much the same for when it comes to situations like this. Let her go. Distance will cause people to build up a feeling of loss. An emotional lost if they truly had some feelings for you. Hopefully, this works out for you in the end.

      Good Luck.

  46. Logan
    January 15, 2018

    Leave a Reply

    So I’ve been head over heels for this girl for like 3+ years, but i hadnt made any advances for around 2. Then… she flips her hair, (jaw drops) right as ive almost forgot my feelings for her, and she starts being a lot friendlier to me, so I think i have a pretty good chance, you know? Felling pretty confident. So I tell her how I feel, and ask her if she would consider giving me a chance. She brother zones me. Now, Two months later, she is getting protective of me… and I can tell she really cares in some way… (my girl cheated on me. My “sister” by her own terms, flips out. Not pretty) and i dont know what to do

    • MrDateCoach
      January 23, 2018

      Leave a Reply

      Logan… You are still in the friend zone with her. And, by showing her someone thought less of you, by cheating on you, is NEVER a good look! She might be protective because she feels bad for you, not the protective love you are desiring from her. It’s best you find a way to let this “sister” go if you are still in love with her and she won’t give you what you truly want from her.

  47. Ajinx
    January 18, 2018

    Leave a Reply

    I haven’t been in relationships before.
    I have been friend with a girl at uni, We became close friends like a year and half, we spent a lot of times together, we never kissed but I flirted with her times to times. I fell in love with her because she was the perfect match, we had good synergy. She is very shy but very intelligent, as she came close to her graduation time. We went out with her class and I overreacted over friend treating her badly. I said stop be nice to him, and she didn’t listen and I got made and left the club. Clearly she didn’t like my of reaction. I did so because I loved her so badly.
    We didn’t talk for 2 days and then I apologised and things were awkward and But got to normal. I wanted to confess to her and had this inner fear of rejection.
    I said bye to her and it was very bad I even cried, I felt like I’m loosing a soul mate. I called day after, I felt like I didn’t want to regret. She just said she was surprised and she thought we were friends.

    I couldn’t believe that, I had this strong feeling towards that she liked me too, We had awkwardly chat/dead for like two weeks. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and went to depression for like 7/8 weeks in this time she would call me and chat.
    It was a point where I couldn’t focus on studies, I asked her for call I need to talk she postponed it I clearly understood that she was very busy. I wrote a new message to where and I can’t stop thinking about her if I’m deeply in love with her. I need to her out of my life if she doesn’t have the same feeling towards me. She replied she thought things were clear between us. She doesn’t have the same feelings towards me sees me as good friend. She said if it’s helping me to cut her out of my life, she won’t stop me. She said it’s sad this is happening. I haven’t replied to her message yet. It’s so hard to let her go from my life. Idk what to do? I want her badly

    • MrDateCoach
      January 23, 2018

      Leave a Reply

      Let her go, buddy. She clearly has told you what she wants from you, Friendship. Find a way to meet someone else who feels the same way you do.

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