Posted in:Date Coaching Advice for Guys

So you are hanging out with a girl that you like, and she just told you about a guy who she just met… You have a problem! You are officially in the friend zone! How did you find yourself in this unfortunate position? I know how. You did not man up and resist at all cost, that’s how. This is not an article that I can be very cool calm and collected. I can’t be cool calm and collected because I see great guys get kicked into the friend zone by two types of girls all the time because guys allow it! Lets teach how to get out the friend zone every time

Types of girls that will FRIEND ZONE you!


The Man Eater

Exit the friend zone with the Man Eater!

The Nice Girl

Nice girls that put you in the friend zone

Man Eater Friend Zone- Women can see a soft sucker coming a mile away. Now it does not always start like this. She might see a glimmer in your eye of prince charming. She could even bring you around her girlfriend’s. Then as you think things are going great, she starts to quote on quote need things. Things like lunch, coffee, movie tickets, clothes, jewelry or even ride from the bar after a night of drinks where she may even sleep with. Now most guys may think this is okay and some may even think this is what should be happening in the forefront of the relationship.

Let’s move a bit forward down this trail… After a couple of weeks she is around but not really. She may text you at times and you may have at this point told her that you wanted to see on a serious basis. But she actually remains a bit flighty and never really answers to your requests. Now also during this point she may disappear for a couple of days then she reappears with a text saying “hey want to go for drinks or coffee?” You quickly say “yeah sure”! You two talk about everything and you may even start to open up to her again about seeing her on a consistent basis. During the shots and drinks you are still a little puzzled because you never really get a clear answer from her saying what she wants. Soon as the drinks are done the tab arrives, she looks at you with a super sexy smile and batting eyes. Well you know this is pay up time. Then she says to you… “Well I have to go home to get ready to go out later.” (You may be like WTF!?)

Now you are noticing something might be wrong. She always wants you around for only a few reasons. Reasons where you get to pay the way or give her a ride. Now this is where SOME guys get smart and leave her alone. For most guys this is where for some reason they GO ALL IN! This vicious cycle of no relationship, no sex, no real intimacy and piles of money being spent goes on for weeks, months and in some cases years.

Now ask yourself are you being eaten? If you can relate to this story my friend you are being devoured!

Nice Girl Friend Zone. This girl is simple. She typically starts off liking you but quickly realizes you might not be Boyfriend material. She thinks you are super nice, loving and an understanding guy. (head tilts down). Now this young lady starts off with all the right intentions. You two hang out, you might kiss and things may even get sexual quickly. But after a few interactions she sort of distances herself. She may still want to hang out but starts chatting about dealings with other guys. When you go to make a move she plays you to the left by laugh you off and saying, friends don’t do that silly LOL… Then she may even invite you to parties where guys she is actually interested in may be there.

Now this girl is flaky like the man eater but loves your company and seeks you for your advice without the relationship perks. All love and no play!

The nice girl will drive you slap crazy because you cannot understand her motives and get her to commit to your wants.

Related: 10 Things Women Want To Hear

How to Get Out the Friend Zone

How to get out of the friend zone

Let’s take a look at what is actually going on:

These women love attention and loves guys to make special accommodations for them! Now honestly, they both are smart girl. The man eater has a guy who is bank rolling the perks in her life where she has to do little to no reciprocation. And the Nice girl is just looking keep you around for a good guys opinion while a guy like me enjoys the non-conversational meaningless sex. (Sigh…)

How you change the game!

Okay, so you have to change the game pretty quickly if she starts to behave like described in our man eater or nice girl scenario. You need to make a move especially if you are not getting any type of intimacy from her. Also a girls like this has the propensity to not respond when she gets resistance from a guy because she most likely has you on a rotation with a few other guys. But if you decide to stick it out and turn the tables around, get ready to get to work on how to exit the friend zone!

Get Out the Friend Zone To Do List

1. Make sure you get a clear understanding of your relationship with her! Now sometimes my guys or clients often get themselves in trouble because they totally read wrong into the relationship. If she flat out tells you she does not want to be involved with you this is not a friend zone issue. This is a she does not like you period problem. If she is friend zoning you she most likely may never directly say she is not into you.

2. You have to get a backbone! Learn to use the word NO and do not do something if you do not want to. Most women and people will walk over people who don’t stand up for themselves.
3. Control how you act and react to her actions. It is easy to flip out and show her that she is getting to your feelings. Remaining cool, calm and collected is the way a woman wants you to be. If she asks you to take her out and you feel like you are getting in the YOU PAY TRAP, say “It’s on you tonight right?” If she says no, say “, No problem, I will hit you up when I get a chance. Hope you have a good night.” Then get off the phone or stop texting. DONE! (Never say this: “I am tired of paying you don’t even like me. Why do you treat me like this?” SO NOT KOOOL (In Seth Rogan’s voice)
4. Now the texting and calling game… This is fun! I won’t go into the full texting game, but I will show you how to text a girl that has put you into the friend zone.
  • Be sporadic with the frequency in which you initiate and respond to the girl
  • Ignore some of her text messages and phone calls, respond the next day
  • Be short and to the point, no excessive LOL and HAHA’s
  • BE cool and relaxed if she does not respond to you immediately after you text her (Don’t: You there? Babe? I miss you… )
5. Fall off the face of the earth, let her chase you and ask you where have you been? When she asks where you have been, you respond “Just hanging out, I have a lot going on.” You are just saying to her- you are not spending your time waiting on her to make a move. Then it shows her you have more important things going on besides chasing a girl who does not want you.
6. Never tell her you like her when you are trying to maneuver out of the friend zone.
7. If she does something you do not like because you feel she is friend zoning you, punish that behavior. But be cool! And don’t buy in to the behavior. She will realize you are not the friend zone type and you might be the bad boy she really craves.
8. Be the Alpha MALE! (Just Google it)
Once she sees the resistant in you to head down the path of the friend zone she will either hop off the train or dig deeper into you because you seem not to care like most guys… Girls love a man they have to chase! Especially when you keep them guessing. Get Out the friend zone with being the man you know you can be!

Related: 12 Things to Never Say to a Woman on a Set or Approach

I am a successful dating coach and entrepreneur located in Orlando, FL. I have helped thousands of people change their dating life through my blogs, classes and my one on one date coaching sessions. My date coaching sessions consist of face-to-face, Skype and phone consultations. If you have any questions about me or about my services please feel free to ask! Remember, I am your Mr. Date Coach.

21 Comments

  1. Okaykk
    February 21, 2015

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    by ignore do you mean reading the text and not replying or just not reading the text at all

    • MrDateCoach
      April 17, 2015

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      Ignore by not responding to the text… For some time. But responding at some point.

  2. Alexander Trance
    September 3, 2015

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    MrDate Coach,

    I have done everything i am not supposed to and now am stuck in the friendzone. She knows I like her and she says she thinks of me as a friend. I know that I need to change my behavior ASAP . Question is :

    Before I start the to do list above, Should I just be direct and ask her out on a Real Date ?

    Thank you

    • MrDateCoach
      January 4, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      I am always the one to shoot from the hip and be direct! But you run into the issue of looking as if you like being clearly rejected. I am refer back to the “why” is she saying that? I suggest asking why is she putting you in the friend zone. Create a safe place for her and say I am not going to be upset, but why am I here? Get a clear answer. And then make your choice from there. Good luck!

  3. zank
    October 4, 2015

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    what if the girl says she only see’s me as a friend and nothing more…

    • MrDateCoach
      January 4, 2016

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      If a woman tells you this… The next best step to do is ask why do you feel that way? Get clarity on why she is saying this to you.

  4. matt
    November 15, 2015

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    Seems good but I already told her that I like her. She said she’s” cool with it”. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. Now what?

  5. Ishmael
    December 14, 2015

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    I got a couple of ladies en all I tried do that….it works ..now everything is reverse …Thanks

  6. P
    January 25, 2016

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    Brother,

    I am trying to crawl out a friendzone that is like 2+ years deep…

    Met her initally those years ago with the intention to date, typically like a sap didn’t make that move on her and seal it… (she told me last year if I kissed her I would have had her).

    (In that time, I’ve got a lot more confident and several flings and sexual relations. Honing in on my game skills)

    So years on now, a few months a go I distanced myself, she went through a small fling thing and now she’s in search of something with substance again. Using that distance… and the knowledge that she had a really bad date… I balls’d up and asked her out.

    Went well blah blah, even spoke to her saying about dating, and she basically said yes but lets take it slow… cool I want keep my options open too.

    I am having an issue with making myself a priority though?

    Other than that, I am pretty good at this stuff, she’s that outlier that makes me trip up!

    Let me know if you got any thoughts bro

    • MrDateCoach
      January 29, 2016

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      This is a situation where she may have loss sight of the value that you bring to the table. Meaning she knows you will always be there and most likely never MAN UP to take a Bold move to get her to move towards you in any way you want. You have to show her you add more value to her life if you want more in any category. But being a super friend and asking is never really the way to go. Start making a move towards the direction you want to go towards and let her stop you. And swing for the fences. Let her know without saying it you going for what you want and how it makes her life better by having you in as more than just a friend.

  7. Ted
    January 26, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Hi Mr. DateCoach,

    I have really strong feelings for a very close friend of mine and she used to feel the same way about me, but I screwed it up about a year ago. Today we are the great friends, but I just feel like there could be so much more than what our relationship is right now, but we always have so much fun together, and so much about each other. How do I convince her or show her that I’d be a great boyfriend for her?

    • MrDateCoach
      January 29, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      Ted,

      Thanks for coming to my site. A lot of new and exciting things to come to help you in this area. So stay tuned.

      But to answer your question. I would first look to see why did things go towards the friend zone? There had to be an act or a lack of action to put you in this situation. Did you fail to take action when she opened the door to more in the beginning? Next I would ask yourself how do you know she has closed the door? (Does she talk about other men or is she dating someone else with your knowledge and is she upfront about it?)

      After asking yourself those questions. Take some action to let her know you are interested. The best way is to tell her verbally. I am a man action and boldness. BE BOLD! If she backs off you back off. Follow her pace but only after you tell her your thoughts or let her see/ feel you pull away a bit. Give her that reason to miss you. Then only re-engage if it is on both your terms not just hers. You have a right to want to date her and ask for what you want. If she does not want a relationship and you do… Walk away and focus on Ted. But don’t waste your time with someone who does not feel the same way about you as you feel about them.

  8. Chase
    May 28, 2016

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    Okay if I ignore her texts sometimes and then she stops texting me for good what will I do then

  9. Jeff
    June 19, 2016

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    Hey Coach,

    I’ve been talking to a girl I met at the local corner store. I’d see her 3-4 times a week when she was at work. I know she just broke it off with her ex and we’ve been spending lots of time together.. So for the past 2 weeks we’d meet for lunch or meet after she was done working to go out to eat or just kill time. I grew a pair of balls and decided to make a move and she wasn’t having it. She let me know the following day via text she was “cool” with the friendship but didn’t want more than that… Mind BLOWN. I feel like i’m doing “boyfriend” things for her/with her but with no sex or intimacy. Not that I care about sex at this point, I just really like her and want it to go to the next level. Not really sure what to do now. To complicate things even more, I’m 32 she’s 21 and pregnant…

    • MrDateCoach
      July 16, 2017

      Leave a Reply

      Jeff,

      Thanks for reaching out. Well… It sounds like you are way over invested in this situation to start. This young lady seems to have quite a bit of things that are preventing her from being emotionally and sexually open to you. She is preggo, meaning that she is currently overwhelmed with emotions and soon to be a bundle of joy. The best course of action is to let that situation go and watch it play out. Be patient and move on Jeff.

  10. Aidan
    June 26, 2016

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    Hey so I got into the talking stage with a girl but she said we shouldn’t continue being in that stage and said she dosent have the feelings for me I have for her. she wants to hang out as friends tho. We barley text now and I stopped with the sweet comments so I don’t upser her. We used to text daily and say sweet stuff alot. I really don’t know what to do and still like her.

  11. zack
    June 30, 2016

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    Mr date coach, I read and this is a great article I follow a lot of this myself…. But what cards should I play if a lady puts me in the friend zone but said its just for now…. Like wtf is that suppose to mean lol for now? Come on I’ve never had this happen and if you could shed some light that would be pretty cool man thanks.

  12. Smith
    July 27, 2016

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    I’ve been seeing a girl for a couple of weeks now. Things got intimate after the 3rd date and then around the 5th she told me she wasn’t looking for a relationship and being respectful i said that’s fine. Later, which maybe was a bad idea, i texted her to clarify what kind of friends she wanted to be as in kissing and what not friends or just normal friends. She told me just normal friends for now and “that might change at some point, but she doesn’t know”. To give you an idea of what kind of girl she is, she is more introverted, but we hit it off and are always able to keep an awesome conversation going and have a ton in common. Any ideas on how to go about this? I definitely like her. We’ve hung out a few times since and i have not gone in to kiss her or anything intimate since she said she wanted to be friends. Is this a situation where she may have thought things were going to fast and she is definitely interested still, and i just need to make a move, but not to fast? Thanks!

  13. Jake Lake
    August 6, 2016

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    Hi Mr.Datecoach

    I have met this girl a couple of weeks ago and have started falling for her. She calls me cute time and time again and every time I flirt with her or compliment her she just seems to brush it off and not compliment me back.

  14. John
    April 12, 2017

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    Like all these other sad sacks, I am stuck in a friend zone. We had a drunken night out where we danced. She got very handsy and grabbed my junk, kissed me, bit me, etc. Unfortunately she didn’t remember any of this the following day. She was in a black out. I actually thought it meant something so I asked her if she wanted to date. She said no, we cannot be anything more than friends. Very flat out. Were more like “buds” she says and she’s looking for “that crazy, unexplainable feeling for someone”. Ugh… Ouch. My question is, what’s a good route to get her to feel that crazy feeling for me??? So far, I’ve been improving myself until next time I see her. I see her beginning of may and we also have a trip planned in June where I’ll have three days with her.

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