Trying to truly understand what women want from men is moving ball. As a dating coach I have learned most women have no clue of what they want in men. In this post, I will explain what what women want from a few different female perspectives.
Now some women will most likely disagree that they have no clue of what they want in or from a man. The reason I say that is because many women say they want a good guy but for some reason they choose men who cause them drama, many tears and long nights arguing for a relationship the man clearly does not want. Now, I completely disagree with any type of behavior such as just being mean, causing drama and jeopardizing a persons life/ freedom with violence.
So, I know what you are asking… Well, Sam Lee, what do women want? First, you have to break down what type of young lady are you in search of. So, you have to ask yourself, what are you looking for in terms of relationship goals? By knowing what your relationship goals are, it is a lot easier to figure out what women want from men.
What are you looking for:
A serious relationship?
Enjoy the ride?
So, now that you have a pretty good idea of what you want, you have to pick up on what the woman wants. Now, this may take some time to get the actual answer from a woman. Although, if you date online, typically women are straight up with their relationship goals and wants in their profile. Or, if you’re able to get to the point with a woman quickly- you will find she will let you know what she wants with little effort from you.
I know you are asking yourself: “Well, what if I want to change her mind about what she wants?” As I tell all my clients all the time, never get into something trying to change what the other person’s’ relationship wants. It is a waste of time and yields a lot of frustration on both ends. You also can expect the relationship to not last that long.
Once you have a good gauge on what she wants and it aligns with your wants, now it is time to get to business. Believe it or not, knowing what a woman wants from a man makes it pretty easy to capture her attention. By having the same relationship goals, the minds sets are aligned in many ways. But what totally F@#ks things up like most things in life, is there are many ways to get to that goal.
The basic characteristics women look for in a man- no matter what their relationship goals are.
- His looks
- His age
- Economic status
- How he treats others
By not fitting into one or more of those characteristics- you automatically lose! Women want what they want! And I know some guys are saying… “Well that’s not fair… She should look pass looks, or weight, economic status and even height…” Well, life is not fair guys! Get over it and keep reading so you can make an impact when you do meet the basics characteristics of what the woman you want is looking for!
The main things women want from men:
1. Obviously being a “NICE” or “Good” guy is definitely not the way to go. I repeat… “BEING A NICE OR GOOD GUY IS NOT WHAT WOMEN WANT!” Unless you like being the sub in a sub/ DOM “BDSM” relationship… (That is another story for another day).
2. Be Well Groomed- (To my metro guys, bypass this one!) Now, for the guys who hate to shave, hate to keep a haircut and who hate to brush their teeth daily this is for you. This is a no brainer for the most part. But staying pretty clean and fresh is the key to success with women. Who likes to drive around in a filthy car? This is you when dirty!
3. Be Confident!- Nuff’ Said!
4. Be Self Sufficient- Have a job or a hustle. Generate a steady cash flow and show her you are able to handle your personal business and buy a cup of coffee on that epic first date.
5. Bring Value- Show her you are not just a taker. You are a giver and provider. I am not saying deal with the gold diggers and support her Gucci and Chanel handbag habit. But be able to buy a cup of coffee!
6. Stand Out- Every woman wants the smart guy, professional, bad boy, the JOCK, the artist or Mr. I don’t give a F#(K. Everyone else pretty much blends into the crowd.)
7. Be a Protector- Every women wants a man who can step up and protect her from the crazies as you go out. Plus, some women need protection from themselves! If she is too drunk to drive, then, make a decision to call her a cab or pick her up so she does not drive home drunk. If she wants to kick some chick’s a$$ because she has on the same dress as her at the party…. Ummm… First, calm her down then break up with her asap because she is crazy!
8. Make a Choice- Women love when a man makes a choice and follows through! Once they see you that you make great choices for yourself and you two as a couple, she knows you can be trusted to make things happen!
9. Be Over Your Ex’s- Most women do not want to hear about who you used bang and share special moments with. This is a simple one! Shut up about the ex DUDE!
Types of woman:
The lets talk about the “just have fun type of girl”!
Well, this type of young lady is not looking for a serious monogamous relationship. The reasons are countless in terms of why she just wants to have fun. Some include just getting out of a serious relationship, focusing on personal matters or hates men for the moment. She is the last one you want to try to change! She will run you crazy turning to prove to her she should be involved with you!
- Be confident in what you want! If you said you don’t want more than just fun and no serious relationship then- BE that!
- You have to be a great time! Meaning you can’t be lame and just want to drink the reddest wine and watch a Redbox every night with her.
- Be prepared to have many nights downtown, wild nights of kicking it and lots of social interactions.
- You have to be show her you are not the jealous type! By going out, you will be in the middle of a lot other men looking to capture her attention. Being able to handle yourself and emotions are the best way to keep the relationship fun.
- Don’t get “EMO”. EMO means you are super emotional. Once you start saying things like “I like you”, “I want more” or “I want you to be mine,” expect her to distance herself from you!
A serious relationship
This type of young lady wants a committed relationship with one person. This is the type of relationship that leads to being married and starting a family. Serious Stuff!
- Again, BE confident in what you want! If you desire a real relationship- then, show her that is what you want!
- Show feelings. (Don’t be too EMO (Emotional)!) Express yourself, but never over do it!
Introduce her to your friends and family over time. This shows her you want her to meet the people who care about your the most.
- Never lie and tell the truth about your past. If you’re planning on staying involved with her, you have to give her the real deal. Lying about your past only makes for a real strain on the relationship if she knows you are willing to not tell the truth.
- Let the past go! Show her you are focused on the future and explain to her how it includes her.
Be willing to open up about your life! Show her you are not afraid to show her how she fits in your life.
Enjoy the ride
This is the MAN… If you can be the guy who enjoys the ride, you can really make wakes when it comes to dating. You can go with a relationship or have fun if it makes sense for you. Women can see a man like you a million miles away! Women typically feel more comfortable with you because she knows you can can be the fun guy but also gives her more.
- Apply pressure when you feel if you want more in the relationship
- Sit back and let her run the show at times. Show her you have confidence in her decisions.
- Let her know just as fast as you enjoy the moments and the time spent… You are able to move on if things are not enjoyable.
If you follow this blog post, you will definitely give women what they want from a man! Like and share this post! You know it feels good!
So you are hanging out with a girl that you like, and she just told you about a guy who she just met… You have a problem! You are officially in the friend zone! How did you find yourself in this unfortunate position? I know how. You did not man up and resist at all cost, that’s how. This is not an article that I can be very cool calm and collected. I can’t be cool calm and collected because I see great guys get kicked into the friend zone by two types of girls all the time because guys allow it! Lets teach how to get out the friend zone every time
Types of girls that will FRIEND ZONE you!
The Man Eater
The Nice Girl
Man Eater Friend Zone- Women can see a soft sucker coming a mile away. Now it does not always start like this. She might see a glimmer in your eye of prince charming. She could even bring you around her girlfriend’s. Then as you think things are going great, she starts to quote on quote need things. Things like lunch, coffee, movie tickets, clothes, jewelry or even ride from the bar after a night of drinks where she may even sleep with. Now most guys may think this is okay and some may even think this is what should be happening in the forefront of the relationship.
Let’s move a bit forward down this trail… After a couple of weeks she is around but not really. She may text you at times and you may have at this point told her that you wanted to see on a serious basis. But she actually remains a bit flighty and never really answers to your requests. Now also during this point she may disappear for a couple of days then she reappears with a text saying “hey want to go for drinks or coffee?” You quickly say “yeah sure”! You two talk about everything and you may even start to open up to her again about seeing her on a consistent basis. During the shots and drinks you are still a little puzzled because you never really get a clear answer from her saying what she wants. Soon as the drinks are done the tab arrives, she looks at you with a super sexy smile and batting eyes. Well you know this is pay up time. Then she says to you… “Well I have to go home to get ready to go out later.” (You may be like WTF!?)
Now you are noticing something might be wrong. She always wants you around for only a few reasons. Reasons where you get to pay the way or give her a ride. Now this is where SOME guys get smart and leave her alone. For most guys this is where for some reason they GO ALL IN! This vicious cycle of no relationship, no sex, no real intimacy and piles of money being spent goes on for weeks, months and in some cases years.
Now ask yourself are you being eaten? If you can relate to this story my friend you are being devoured!
Nice Girl Friend Zone. This girl is simple. She typically starts off liking you but quickly realizes you might not be Boyfriend material. She thinks you are super nice, loving and an understanding guy. (head tilts down). Now this young lady starts off with all the right intentions. You two hang out, you might kiss and things may even get sexual quickly. But after a few interactions she sort of distances herself. She may still want to hang out but starts chatting about dealings with other guys. When you go to make a move she plays you to the left by laugh you off and saying, friends don’t do that silly LOL… Then she may even invite you to parties where guys she is actually interested in may be there.
Now this girl is flaky like the man eater but loves your company and seeks you for your advice without the relationship perks. All love and no play!
The nice girl will drive you slap crazy because you cannot understand her motives and get her to commit to your wants.
Related: 10 Things Women Want To Hear
How to Get Out the Friend Zone
Let’s take a look at what is actually going on:
These women love attention and loves guys to make special accommodations for them! Now honestly, they both are smart girl. The man eater has a guy who is bank rolling the perks in her life where she has to do little to no reciprocation. And the Nice girl is just looking keep you around for a good guys opinion while a guy like me enjoys the non-conversational meaningless sex. (Sigh…)
How you change the game!
Okay, so you have to change the game pretty quickly if she starts to behave like described in our man eater or nice girl scenario. You need to make a move especially if you are not getting any type of intimacy from her. Also a girls like this has the propensity to not respond when she gets resistance from a guy because she most likely has you on a rotation with a few other guys. But if you decide to stick it out and turn the tables around, get ready to get to work on how to exit the friend zone!
Get Out the Friend Zone To Do List
1. Make sure you get a clear understanding of your relationship with her! Now sometimes my guys or clients often get themselves in trouble because they totally read wrong into the relationship. If she flat out tells you she does not want to be involved with you this is not a friend zone issue. This is a she does not like you period problem. If she is friend zoning you she most likely may never directly say she is not into you.
3. Control how you act and react to her actions. It is easy to flip out and show her that she is getting to your feelings. Remaining cool, calm and collected is the way a woman wants you to be. If she asks you to take her out and you feel like you are getting in the YOU PAY TRAP, say “It’s on you tonight right?” If she says no, say “, No problem, I will hit you up when I get a chance. Hope you have a good night.” Then get off the phone or stop texting. DONE! (Never say this: “I am tired of paying you don’t even like me. Why do you treat me like this?” SO NOT KOOOL (In Seth Rogan’s voice)
4. Now the texting and calling game… This is fun! I won’t go into the full texting game, but I will show you how to text a girl that has put you into the friend zone.
- Be sporadic with the frequency in which you initiate and respond to the girl
- Ignore some of her text messages and phone calls, respond the next day
- Be short and to the point, no excessive LOL and HAHA’s
- BE cool and relaxed if she does not respond to you immediately after you text her (Don’t: You there? Babe? I miss you… )
6. Never tell her you like her when you are trying to maneuver out of the friend zone.
7. If she does something you do not like because you feel she is friend zoning you, punish that behavior. But be cool! And don’t buy in to the behavior. She will realize you are not the friend zone type and you might be the bad boy she really craves.
8. Be the Alpha MALE! (Just Google it)
Once she sees the resistant in you to head down the path of the friend zone she will either hop off the train or dig deeper into you because you seem not to care like most guys… Girls love a man they have to chase! Especially when you keep them guessing. Get Out the friend zone with being the man you know you can be!
- “Hello I am (Name). How are you?”
- “You’re super sexy, pretty or hot… I am (Name)”
- “Can I have your phone number?”
- “Hey girl!”
How to create pickup lines
As you cycle through things to say time is ticking away and the girl usually gets up to leave and walks out of your little life forever. Approach anxiety combined with the lack of something to say to get her attention is the greatest game killer, but you know this! So let’s get to business and solve how to create pickup lines the easy way that works!.
There are millions of canned and lame pickup lines. This article will NOT give you canned material. Life and conversations are very dynamic and blossoms at every word. So using canned material can cause you to put yourself in a corner and at a loss for words after the can is juiced!
Creating a dynamic conversation is like overcoming approach anxiety ,solving a complex math problem and then using the appropriate formulas to solve it. You start with understanding the problem and its components.
- Where is the girl? (The environment)
- What is she doing?
- Who is she with? (Assumptions are okay)
- What is she wearing?
Once you answer these questions, now you have the basis to create the pickup line. Creating a pick up line should be aimed around the related scenario. This allows you to keep the conversation going and not stalling out of the canned material.
Now that you have some answers to these really important questions let’s start with the question I ask first. What is the environment?
Related: How to Control Your Approach Anxiety
Where is she at?
The environmental cues on a set give an almost endless amount of things to say and talk about. Now, when you create an environmental cue pickup line think about how can you make it relate to why you are approaching her.
Creative Pickup Lines:
1. Okay so you are special… Who brings their glass from the house to enjoy a cup of Joe? (Something a little clever and witty)
2. I had no idea they sold chocolate milk in Starbucks… Crazy.
Why are those great pickup lines?
These questions require more than a one word response. (Such as a yes or no) It actually forces her to create a thoughtful response since they do not sell coffee/ milk in glasses at Starbucks. You are then able to get the much-needed paradigm shift needed to get her to pay attention to you. And for my new guys to the game, a paradigm shift is a slight momentum change in direction. Most people are focused on what they are doing; in this example she is watching something on her computer then when you ask a question or provoking statement it makes her think about nothing but what you just said; a shift has occurred if only for that moment for you to create interest.
Creative Pickup Lines
- I have to see which salad dressing you pick… I had no idea it was so many options… (Jokingly)
- Green dress, salad dressing- makes sense… I am guessing you like salads.
Why are those pickup lines great?
Again the statements said would make most people think and cause a paradigm shift as soon as you said it. In example number one she looks happy but with so many options, I am sure is confused on which one to pick. So I am thinking about her possible thoughts in this environment. “She is like Damn, he is right! Which salad dressing am I going to pick because I never really paid attention on how many options there were!” In example number two it is obvious to be a bit corny but it lets her notice you were paying attention and then she will quickly make a connection that she looks like a leaf of the salad. Crazy I know, but you are looking to throw her off the line of shopping and pay attention to you. Plus you can then make a suggestion after she says “You’re funny”!
Now that we have an understanding of the environmental cues let’s understand how to make a pickup line based on what she is doing.
What Is She Doing?
- You must be reading the part of the book where she wants him to walk over and say hi, I could not put it down on that part either!
- She dies in the end… Sorry… Oh wait what book are you reading?
Why are those pickup lines great?
Classic! I have to use those! But damn it is canned… Okay I am cool with those canned lines. Focus Sam Lee! So now that we see her reading, let’s focus on what she could be reading in the book. The first pickup line is very direct and you have mad game because she knows what you are doing there and you are flirting ASAP! It still provides a shift because she has to question if that is even possible to happen in the book or she wonders if you really read it. She focuses on those thoughts as you wait for a response to carry on a follow up statement.
- I thought you were only supposed to do that while driving…
- I have to ask… Why when woman put on mascara, they keep their mouth open like that?
Why are those pickup lines great?
Okay… So this approach has happen before to me! A super-hot chick was putting on mascara and I said example number one. She laughed her ass off! We both did because you see this all the time while driving. You know your mom did this activity while running late to work! But it was an instant success because I was able to connect what she was doing to an act everyone can connect a feeling to or has seen in the past. The second example is a question I really want to ask a young lady. (Pause; I just asked Lysa, my homie! “She laughed and said it is to stretch her eyelids… “ What…!?!? Maybe I will write a blog about my thoughts on that later!) But again most women can relate to this and it makes them think… Why is my mouth open to do something that focuses on my eyes? “This guy is a savant” she will say!
Related: 10 Things Women Want To Hear
Who Is She With?
Approaching a woman with someone else can be quite an experience. Not to mention if they are the ladies in this example. When you talk to a group of people or even two women you have to include both of them in the pickup line!
- That looks like one hell of a secret…
- You are a bad secret teller! And you are a bad secret listener… Why are you two so far away? (Laughing)
Why are those pickup lines great?
Now you have to be quite clever when you see a woman with a friend. Your opening pickup line has to be heard by both and it must relate to what is going on at that moment! If not you will have one girl go… “Huh” and the other girl quickly hear her friends go huh and then no shift! Both will be like ”he is lame”! Then you find yourself explaining what you said. The joke is typically dead at that point and you are fighting your way back to being the confident cool guy you are!
- Sister’s day out… How are you young ladies doing?
- I wanted to come say hello to you young ladies…
Why are those pickup lines great?
Okay, now you have to understand these pickup lines are not making super huge impacts because you are involving a mom. Not saying you can’t be witty or clever. You have to be aware of who she may be with; you also don’t want to come off like an ass clown to mom. Either one of those two pickup lines will work. Those lines are charming and they also allow mom and daughter to explain their actual relationship. Now fellas, you can approach a mom and a daughter! It may seem awkward but her mom knows about the birds and the bees. Someone used a pickup line on her. Just tread softly and be confident and you will not only win mom, but also make the daughter think you are the man! (It worked for me, and she was hot- so was the mom!)
What is she wearing?
Women wear clothing and accessories that makes them unique every moment they walk out the door, whether they are in sweats, rocking a scarf or going shopping at Wal-Mart. This item may be perfume, make up, hair style, a ring, earrings, the way she wears her shirt or even the way her bracelets make noise. This is her “IT” factor! It is what makes her feel special that day. You have to be able to find what her IT is and make a statement about it.
- You definitely have more swag than me! And F-Bomb is my favorite word… We should talk.
- I thought I had perfect eyebrows…
- You are wearing that caution yellow shirt… So I am going to tread softly with this.
- Those highlights… EPIC.
Why are those pickup lines great?
I know what you are thinking… Sam Lee. You just said all statements. I did. When you create a pick up line for what a woman is wearing you have to be very direct and compliment in a very subtle way. But in a way that forces her to think about what article of clothing you are referring to. The girl in the picture has a few things going on.
She is obviously super-hot! So never say that! NEVER TELL HER HOW HOT SHE IS DURING THIS TYPE OF APPROACH. She knows that and has been told that all her life. So you will be making a statement that really does not move her. No mind shift! It is business as usual for her, another guy focusing on how pretty she is.
Breaking her down:
- The hat is a dead giveaway most guys will directly make a statement about it. But it is too obvious to directly talk about the hat. Every guy will say something about the hat. Sort of like me. But I made a statement she had to think about for even just a sec. Like oh, he is referring to my hat. At that point I am jumping into building interest!
- She has some great looking eyebrows. This may not seem like such a big deal. But women love to make sure their eyebrows are on point! Most guys would totally miss this opportunity to compliment them.
- She has swag. Rocking a yellow t-shirt makes her the type of girl who loves and craves attention. So I let her know what rocking that color shirt actually says to people who pay attention.
- I am not a stylist and some women may say I am crazy but her hair is perfect with highlights! If you did not know women love having their hair done… Well you should contact me right now! I will help you for free!
- I can see your pockets… Kooool (Seth Rogan Voice)
- I love a girl with big A$$ hoop earing’s… Bringing the 80s back, turn up.
- I like girls who get fresh to just go to Wal-Mart (It we were in Wal-Mart)
Why are those pickup lines great?
Again, statements like this will invoke a response from anyone. You can even pause to let the shift happen, and then give her a moment to respond as she thinks… This dude is crazy (In a great way!)
My Final Thoughts
Remember guys this is a guide to creating an easier way to create pickup lines. You can literally say almost any anything as it relates to the woman’s environment, what she is doing, who she is with and what she is wearing. Focus on things most people will over look, compliment or joke on when possible! And anything that comes out of your mouth needs to be said with confidence and like you have King Kong’s you know what’s! She has to hear you for it to be an affective pickup line!
To masturbate or to not masturbate is the question… If you suffer from approach anxiety and you do not follow my advice below your hand will be your lover forever. I say that to say this, to learn how to control your approach anxiety you have to approach the problem head on by combating what happens as you feel the anxiety coming on. What do you mean Sam Lee? Let’s start with breaking down what approach anxiety is.
Anxiety- It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over something unlikely to happen, such as the feeling of imminent death. (Wiki)
So to start anxiety is a real emotion created by the mind. You have to understand that there is no actual cure for approach anxiety. Unfortunately, there is no cure for any type of anxiety. Medication, cognitive- behavioral training therapy and coaching can control your anxiety to make it not affect you as much. So all hope is not lost friend.
Even as a date coach I suffer from approach anxiety from time to time. Yes ME! So I can feel where you and my clients are coming from when they say I want to meet more women but I cannot because I have uncontrollable feelings of anxiety. Approaching strangers and not knowing the outcome produces the unpleasant feelings of dread. What I have found, you can control the symptoms of approach anxiety if recognize what is actually happening during the anxiety episode.
How to control approach anxiety effects
Recognize the physical effects you encounter when you have the opportunity to approach a woman. Do you sweat, lose your words, speak loudly, make odd facial gestures or speak to fast? I tell my clients to create a list of physical effects during this encounter. By understanding what is physically happening you can work on controlling those effects.
My heart would race and thump so loudly in my chest before I would approach a woman. So know that I recognized that physical reaction I would focus on my breathing. Breathing affects your heart rate. By focusing on taking deeper breaths caused my heart rate to slow long enough to walk over and approach her.
Being nervous and not knowing what to say to a girl I just met would cause me to speak very quickly and mumble through my words. Again I took the same approach as example 1, I started paying attention to the physical changes that would occur on the approach. I focused on what I said next. I would completely listen to what she said to a comment or question I asked here. I LISTENED! Then I took my time with a response. (Not an awkwardly pause) I would take a breath and respond directly to what she said. I did not try to think outside the box, be clever or witty. I wanted to master the goal of controlling my speech and voice inflections.
Using body language that promotes guarding yourself off is a HUGE no no… Well I did that! I would cross my arms, put hands in my pockets, cover my mouth as I would talk or smile. I always wanted to show women on an approach that I was not a weirdo and I was confident and secure. This body language I was presenting was due to my anxiety. So I would always make sure I used my hands when I spoke. I would never let then stop moving in some capacity even when she was talking.
Not actually going over to talk to her is a sure fire way to keep falling in love with you hand. You have to actually walk over and make contact. This was a major problem! So I would make the first step towards her until I was in her area. And then I would make my move… A little creepy at first but it was not about the results then, it was about controlling my physical reactions to the anxiety.
Take the first step!
Dealing with on the physical effects that are caused by approach anxiety one by one was and is the only way to control them. Now you ask… Well Sam Lee what about the thoughts of rejection and dread. Well I am glad you asked.
How to change your thoughts that stops you from approaching a girl
Affirmations… Yes talking to yourself works and it does make you look crazy at times. Negative thoughts of being rejected causes you to doubt the idea of walking over to her and then you are guaranteed a NO! Focus on the thoughts that flood your mind before you have the opportunity to approach another woman. Create that list and then create affirmations to combat those feelings and negative subconscious thoughts.
Negative thought: “She is going to tell me no to giving me her phone number.”
Affirmation: “She is going to say yes to giving me her number and be very excepting to my advances and conversation because I am the F(bomb)-ing Man!”
Negative thought: “She is going to not talk to me and completely ignore me.”
Affirmation: “She is crazy not to want to talk to me, I am the F(bomb)-ing Man!”
Negative thought: People will over hear me get rejected and I will be embarrassed.
Affirmation: “F(bomb) them, they wish they could be as cool as me and approach this smoking hot chick! They gone learn today!” (Honestly this is a big problem if you want to approach women because there are typically people always around. The great thing is, most people don’t care and they wish they had balls like you)
So you see I have a love for the F(bomb). It gets me pump… It is my best friend. You have to find what gets you pumped to follow through. Imagine if you never combat those negative thoughts with anything positive and that motivates you to talk to a girl? You will never make that approach!
Caffeine is not your buddy
Okay so now that we laid down the physical and mental affects related to approach anxiety let’s talk about preparing for the approach. Do not drink or in take caffeine, chocolate or energy drinks. It helps enhance the physical effects of your approach anxiety. I read that on WebMD, so trust me on that because doctors wrote it and it is on the internet!
Understanding the flow of the conversation
Now I am the last guy to ever tell you or my clients to use canned material. And I am not condoning it now, but you have to have a basic conversation outline and flow chart! Most of my clients say they get anxiety because they don’t know how to close the deal. So I have solved that with a word by… Alec Balwin!!!
I am a sales person and marketer at heart! So I love the movie Glen Gary Glen Ross and the famous clip of Alec Balwin when he gave us sales guys the secret to selling people. AIDA ( Attention Interest Decision Action)and ABC (Always be Closing). As a side note you do know you are selling YOU on an approach, right? You are selling her that you are then type of man she wants in her life. If you did not know that… Well, we have some work to do!
The breaking down of AIDA and ABC, how it affects you
A- You have to get her attention. Meaning you have do to or say something to let her know you want to speak with her.
I- You have to build rapport and get her interested in you. You have to make her want to say yes to your asking her out or for a phone number.
D- A decision must be made by her to give up the digits or to agree to a meet up.
A- You have to take action and ask for the phone number or follow up information.
You have to follow these steps in order to close any deal! If you miss one you can bet you will not get the number.
Now speaking of Closing
Close, you have to always be closing her from the moment you step up to the plate. Everything you say is to close her on you! All bantering and conversations should be geared towards getting the phone number. You have to also understand it might not take 20-30 minutes to close the deal. It might take 1 minute and she has made the decision to say yes when you ask the phone number or follow up information. Recognize that if you over build interest you could lose the chance to close the deal!
Fellas, I have given you the guide of your dreams to controlling that damn approach anxiety! It works if you work it. Now to wrap this up, remember:
- Focus and control your physical changes when you feel the approach anxiety
- Speak with positive affirmations to combat your negative thoughts
- And be prepared to have a conversation with meaning and an action to close
Related: 10 Things Women Want To Hear
Are you making the common mistakes most men make when talking to a girl for the first time? Approaching women for most guys is already difficult. Nerves, the sh!ts and the “NO” girls can make talking to a woman for the first time a truly gut wrenching experience! Most women are cool and are pretty open to being talk to by guys; besides the fact that they do everything to avoid us, whether it be with pink ear buds, big dark sunglasses and the over stressed no eye contact. So being that you have challenges talking to women already, I created a list of 12 Things to never say to a woman on a set or approach to make getting her phone number or follow up proposition easy!
12 Things to never say to a woman on a set or approach
1. Never give up on a set- This may sound like you are being overly persistent but for the most part, most guys give up on a woman in the first moment they feel any kind of resistance. If a chick likes you then you can pretty much do everything to totally F-it up and she will still give you her phone number and more! On the other hand, if you have a young lady on the edge of saying she is into you, “Maybe” or “Not interested”, you want to increase your chances on that set! So you have stick it out until you know for a fact she is a NO girl. For you newbies starting to approach women you have no idea what NO really is… Most of you guys don’t even know what yes really is, but that is another blog…
So you have to set a fluid standard, getting the 2-3 No’s and bolt out rule. You have to get 2-3 No’s that come from a follow up proposition. Meaning if she says “No I am not giving up my number”, feel it out and discover why not. If you discover the reason why she said no and you still cannot connect to get a follow up proposition, BOLT!
Related: 10 Things Women Want To Hear
2. Never beg– I have seen GROWN ASS men beg a woman for her phone number! BEEEEG!? There is nothing scarier to a girl than a man that begs… Begging shows true desperation. It also shows you have no real ability to overcome stressful situations effectively. And once a woman sees you can’t handle the fire on the set… You can’t handle her when it gets hot in her kitchen.
3. Never Stalk– Okay… So this is illegal in most states and in most countries. Do not stalk her. Make a clear path to her and let her know your intentions. Stalking leads to MASE and heavy jail time in most cases!
4. Never drop your guard- I have seen men totally forget they are on a set and they never see very obvious things coming such as: She has to go from the scene; her girls definitely do not approve of you or she is about to completely embarrass you. Keep your head on the swivel. You are the person who has to control the situation. There are literally thousands of things that can throw you off your game when talking to women. Make sure you look out for them so you can prevent them or find a way to go with the flow.
5. Never allow others to shake your confidence- Most guys and women go out in groups. Therefore you have to take the pressure of the set, the guys you are with, the people around her and her friends… Not to mention anyone else that is looking to totally blow your chances of talking to her because they want her. When you have so many moving parts you have to keep control of your own confidence, killing thoughts and actions. You have to say to yourself, “Whatever happens I am going to approach her and follow through to the best of my ability”. Once you do this over time it gets easier to ignore the people who are too afraid to talk to her or jealous because they are not her. KEEP YOUR HEAD BOYS!
6. Never say “Can I call you, Can I text You or Can I see you later?”- Never ask questions when it comes to the follow up proposition. Use the assumptive close! (I am going to call you; I am going to text you; I am going to kiss you; etc.) A woman during a set or on an approach is most times at your control. She is just going with the flow you provide. So if you lead her, she will follow. But if you ask the follow up proposition question it always opens you up to receiving a “NO” versus the okay, sure.
7. Never be a Creep! – If you like blondes, feet, toes, hands or have some type of fetish, control your “alone time tendencies” of obsessing and gocking. Women love to be admired not drooled and creeped out on! So control your emotions until the time is right.
8. Never let her give you the run around- Now guys, I hate to break it to you… But most women know what is going on during a set or an approach. You have to be aware of this. Because you can use it to your advantage or let it work against you. (Now this is a crude example but fits the scenario. Ladies I am not name calling or degrading you! On we go!) Now when a sheep herder is putting together the herd of sheep (I hear the emails coming already) he has many sheep running away, some not listening, some eating grass, some entertaining others, and some don’t even hear or see him at first. So he uses his Bearded Collie (Herding Dog) to get them in line and keep the ones he personally cannot reach or directly control. He does not run them down he stands strong and allows his skilled arm (Herding dog) to keep the herd focused and under control. Most women have so many things going on before and during a set (On the cell phone, eating, studying, walking to an appointment, focused on people more important to you and many other examples can follow). Never chase her. Use the environment, a gesture, or some form of redirecting engagement to keep her focused. But if you can use nothing and get the NO, move on. Never chase, give her a reason to stay and enjoy!
Related: How to Control Your Approach Anxiety
9. Never allow a hater to cock block- Now what is a cock blocker you ask… A cock blocker is a person for whatever reason sees what you are trying to do with her and completely tries to ruin your chances of scoring the number, the date or the follow up proposition. These people can be her friends, some random drunk guy, her co-worker or your own BOYS! If you see they are on the verge of or are currently cock blocking, you can be direct and tell them to knock it off (Man up!!!), redirect her attention to what you have to say with some type of reinforcement or get her out of the situation and mention something to the effect of… “Now that I have your undivided attention, you were trying to get with me”. (Jokes)
10. Never over think the opener- Most men completely fumble the open because they are worried about what to say next. The first line should be an environmental cue reference statement. (Something about her, the place you are at or how you can help her.) Hi works, but I have 100 people say “hi” to me daily. If she is attractive, she gets a lot more attention than you. Just find something that you both can quickly relate to and move on to the mission!
11. Never be afraid to ask for a phone number- Never be afraid to ask for her phone number or a follow up proposition. SHOOT THE J, SHOOT IT! (David Chappelle voice as Prince) Imagine if Kobe or MJ never took some of those unbelievable game winning 3 pointers, they would not be some of the greatest and highest scorers in the game. Good set, bad set or in-between… ask for the number, it only increases chances in the numbers game.
12. Never be afraid to touch- Touching is a touchy subject. Most of my clients would never speak to a girl, let alone touch them. High fiving, arm touching, hugs, kisses and hand holding are major ways to show her you can make her comfortable sexually. You make a direct physical connection that suggests you are not afraid to make her feel some kind of way. You can handle it.
Now fellas I have given you 12 things to never say a woman on a set or approach. So take your time to digest it. But of course if you have more questions leave a comment below, use the ask Mr. Date Coach Question box below or sign up for a free phone consultation!
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